What makes a relationship not just last, but thrive beyond what you ever imagined possible? From Tony and Sage's unique modern family story to research that can predict relationship success with 93.6% accuracyâwe're about to expand your vision of what love can look like, whether in romance, family, friendship, or beyond.
In todayâs issue:
𼚠Watch: Tony & Sage's intimate chat about love & parenting
đ Explore: The 4 dimensions of love that transform any relationship
đ Master: Gottman's 7 levels to building unshakeable connections
đ Discover: The surprising truth behind infidelity
Ready to discover what makes relationships extraordinary? Let's dive in âŹď¸
FEATURED STORY
A modern family: Inside Tony & Sage's life
Last year, Tony and Sage invited us into their home for an intimate conversation about loveâone that included their dear friend Mary B., who is both surrogate and adoptive parent to their daughterâand now also a part of the family. It's the kind of conversation that reminds us how love often looks different than we imagine. And how we can all create our own unique love constellation.
Watch time: 1 hr. 38 min | Podcast: The Truth About Love & Relationships
When Tony and Sage welcomed their daughter into the world through surrogacy, they took an unprecedented step: pursuing legal third-parent adoption to ensure Mary would always be officially recognized as their daughter's parent as well.
During the court proceeding, with all three parents appearing via Zoom and their baby girl bouncing on their laps, the judge paused, studying their faces on the screen. "I see a level of love here that I rarely witness." She said, approving their request on the spot, moved by the authentic connection before her.
This moment beautifully exemplifies what Tony calls "transcendent love"âa love that rises above conventional boundaries and expectations. It's one of four dimensions of love that he and Sage explore in their conversation:
Baby Love: The first dimension isn't about loving babiesâit's about expecting love to meet all our needs. While natural for infants, many adults get stuck here, wondering why relationships feel empty.
Horse Trading: Tony refers to this as the unconscious, "I'll do this if you do that" exchange. "The minute you start measuring what you're getting," he notes, "it's not love anymore."
Unconditional Love: At this stage, relationships become extraordinary. "You love because it's who you are," Sage adds, reflecting on how this shift transformed their 24-year marriage.
Transcendent Love: This is the highest dimension, beautifully illustrated through their modern family story. As Sage reflects, "Love can look so different and so much more beautiful than the narrative or expectation we might have." Through their journey, we see that love isn't about fitting into predetermined boxesâit's about allowing it to expand beyond what we thought possible.
Inthis heartfelt conversation, Tony shares: "I measure what level of love I'm operating from, not to judge myself, but to grow. When I notice I'm in horse trading mode with Sage or anyone else, I can choose to shift."
This Valentine's season, take a moment to consider your most important relationships. Which dimension do you typically operate from? Sometimes just noticing creates an opportunity to shift to the next level.
Remember, as Tony says, it's not about judging where you areâit's about growing into what's possible.
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DEEP DIVE
The blueprint for a love that lasts
Have you ever felt the pain of a relationship ending? We all have.
So, now that you know the dimensions of relationships, what can make a relationship last?
Through more than four decades of research, Dr. John Gottman could predict whether a couple will stay together or break apart with 93.6% accuracy. What distinguished the relationship masters from the disasters? It wasn't magicâit was a set of simple, consistent behaviors that build or break a relationship.
Drs. John and Julie Gottman | The Gottman Institute
The first finding was that relationships thrive when we maintain a high ratio of positive to negative interactions. But the real breakthroughs come from the second findingâwhat Gottman calls The Sound Relationship House.
You can picture it as a house with seven levelsâeach built to help you and your partner form a sturdy foundation and unshakeable bond. If youâre single, itâs your blueprint for future relationships, creating stability from the start.
Build Love Maps: Get curious about what lights your partner up and their blueprint of the world. If you're single, cultivate self-awareness.
Share Fondness and Admiration: Make daily "deposits" into your emotional bank account. Celebrate what your partner does rightâdon't just focus on the flaws.
Turn Toward Instead of Away: Respond to bids for connection. Even a simple "How was your day?" can open the door to deeper intimacy.
The Positive Perspective: Stay anchored in the good. Or as Tony puts it, "What's wrong is always available, but so is what's right."
Manage Conflict: If you notice any contempt or defensiveness creeping in, pause and reset.
Make Life Dreams Come True: Learn your partner's dreamsâand champion them. If you're single, get clear on your own vision.
Create Shared Meaning: How will you give? What legacy will you create together?
Use this blueprint to give yourself and your partner the gift of a secure, passionate bondâor if you're single, gift your future self the awareness to flourish in your next relationship!
TEAM TONY RECOMMENDS
Our top 2 picks:
đď¸ Listen: Why do people cheat? In a candid conversation with renowned therapist Esther Perel, Tony explores how to protect and strengthen your relationship. Their discussion reveals surprising insights about infidelity, intimacy and the danger of expectations in relationship dynamicsâoffering powerful tools for maintaining deep connection through any challenge.
đ Read: Spot relationship red flags early with the Gottman Institute's four communication patterns, known as "The Four Horsemen". These can help predict relationship challenges; from criticism to contempt, understanding these patterns helps you catch and transform negative cycles before they begin.
FINAL THOUGHTS
Love is worth investing in
We hope this issue has expanded your understanding of loveâfrom Tony and Sage's remarkable family story to the Gottman Institute's groundbreaking research.Love isn't just about finding the right person but becoming the right partner who creates connections beyond conventional boundaries.
Beyond theories, consider these invitations to transform your relationshipsâwith a partner, friend, family, or yourself. The most powerful love story starts with how you love yourself.
And while we're on the topic of transformation... keep your eye out for our next issue, where Tony will reveal strategies to spark breakthroughs in every area of your life. You won't want to miss this one đ... itâs Tonyâs favorite topic!
Until then, let's continue to make life an extraordinary adventure.
With gratitude and fire in our hearts,
Team Tony Robbins
P.S. Tickets are now available for our next event: Unleash the Power Within Virtual. Join Tony from anywhere across the globe and unleash the powerful driving force that can make any vision, dream or desire a reality.
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